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Allenby Townsite

from Looking For Horses by Kesia Nagata

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lyrics

I know we're all looking for meaning, but I remember well what the pine tree said to me on your mother's land in the Similkameen when we were eighteen (or maybe nineteen), full of big ideas & desperate profundity: It said, "stop trying to be here," & it showed me the wind.
My brother stood so still while we threw anything we could find. He said he knew he could be killed by any one man's hand or furious will. He was afraid but he stayed at the foot of the hill; he was raw, you could see he was humble. We climbed an old abandoned mine and sat on the highest wall.
I know you struggled in your skin, finding God in surprising places. You were full right to the brim, & spilling over with all you imagined. In the grass we could lie shoulder to chin, or hunt for the remnants of a town that had been burned to the valley ground so long ago.
We walked the ridge with secrets & fervour, with an air gun & a hatchet. We knew we were not made for murder but we dreamed of a world without order where a boy could learn in the tracks of his father, & sleep in the trees, & live through the winter. We shot at soda cans & alder & ran down the hill.
I don't know what we were seeking, but I know we never found it. I remember well the pine tree on your mother's land in the Similkameen, when we were kids & the world was ending, & the wind blew & made us all dizzy. It said, "you have every right to be here, child - don't you know?"

credits

from Looking For Horses, released December 28, 2017

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Kesia Nagata Hazelton, British Columbia

Kesia is a BC-based singer-songwriter who sings about trees, death, horses, and the unbearable enormousness of existence, among other important things.

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